Talking to Your Kids about Divorce: What You Need to Know

It can be difficult to know how to talk to your kids about divorce. Divorce is a word that they may not have even heard before, and it will change their world forever. Divorce is never easy on children, no matter what their age. How you tell them depends on the age of the child and also the relationship between you and your spouse. Divorce can feel like betrayal for some kids because at this point they think of both parents as being in love with each other. Divorcing parents need to take care in explaining why they are getting divorced so that it doesn't seem like one parent did something bad or wrong, but rather there were faults with both partners involved.

Create a Plan

Protect your kids from the hurt or anger that you may feel by planning when, how and what to tell them. You should plan to do it on a day where family time can happen and they have time to process everything. Avoid doing it on holidays or special days, or when they are preparing to lave for school or somewhere else. You should also have a plan on what you communicate to them and in particular know how you can answer why it is happening in a way that avoids the adult reality but also gives them some understanding. For instance, we have been trying but can't fix our relationship or we want different things.

Avoid Blaming

As far as what you say, avoid blaming and divulging details that will be hurtful or damaging to your child. A good rule of thumb is not revealing more than they know about adult life in general for their age. Remember kids are smart and can hear things very differently than adults do so it is best to avoid blaming so the kids do not feel caught in the middle.

Have the Conversation Together

When you talk to your kids about divorce, do it together. Divorcing couples should be supportive of each other - even when things get tough! It is important that your children hear this directly from you and your spouse and not form a sibling or another person.

Set Expectations

The most important thing kids want to know is how your divorce is going to affect their lives. Try to let your kids know what they should expect. Make sure they know what will stay same and what will change. Your children will be curious about where they're going live, with whom and what about the new living arrangements are like? You can help prepare them by being honest with yourself as well as telling them everything that you do know for certain. Let them know that they can always ask new questions. It will take time for you and your children to adjust to this huge change so be sure to give them plenty of time and space to work through their emotions.